Hot. Mess(es).

According to Urban Dictionary, a 'hot mess' is: "Someone or something that is such a mess... the level of it is off of the charts. It's past pathetic, past pitiful. It's to the point you almost have to walk away to keep from bustin' a gut. Hot messes can exist in levels."

Now, I am a well educated woman, so by no means am I endorsing the use of defining things through Urban Dictionary, but lets be serious. Some things are really THAT bad.

I tend to witness, experience, encounter some form of a hot mess at least bi-weekly. During the school year when I'm working, those experiences rise to "daily". Lately I have found myself to be somewhat of a hot mess magnet, if you will. Many people would be annoyed by this... I get great pleasure out of knowing the stories I will have to tell to all of my friends at a later date upon a hot mess sighting.

Two to share that occurred within the last one and a half days.

Hot Mess 1:

-I was laying out at my pool reading up and attempting to expand my Cosmopolitan knowledge when I was rudely distracted by 2 kids entering the pool with their birth mother; they were joining another kid and his mother. Let me set up the scene: 2 kids entering pool were female (roughly age 6) and male (roughly age 9 and appeared to have been taking HGH since birth... his height appeared stunted for his age and I'm almost positive he had a 12 pack of abs, pecks and other defined arm and back muscles) and their birth mother (I call her that because she acted like the only reason she had to have any sort of accountability for these kids was because years ago she physically birthed them- I'm not sure if she has spoken to them since.) Mother spent the next hour gossiping and smack talking, rather loudly, about her kids to the other kid's mom. Other kid was male (roughly age 12, although he could have been younger but due to his rather large and unhealthy size for his age, he looked older) and very inappropriate the entire time I was there. His mother spent the entire hour talking to the other mom about her bathing suit... which I learned her parents bought her from Kohl's. -------------- You get where this story is going with the theme of hot mess and existing in levels, correct?

-HGH 9 year old was banished to sit on the side of the pool numerous times for being too rough with his sister. By rough, I mean he body slammed her under the water, threw her body at the edge of the pool, and was viciously splashing other pool patrons. When his "mother" was busy running her mouth to her friend with her back turned, he power swam inside of a huge inner tube into a very elderly woman who was doing her aquatic exercises. She actually had to yell STOP! STOP DOING THAT! HGH boy looked at her as if he was about to go into a 'roid rage and swam away. His little sister apologized to elderly woman. Mom never even saw what happened... or, if I'm as correct in this as I think, chose not to see it happen.

-Older, bigger boy continued to "pick up" and "cradle" little girl and carry her around the pool. Both moms kept looking at him as if he and it was creepy (which, DUH.) but never said anything. He often lowered her under the water stroking her hair.

-The last ten minutes of this foolishness that I could stand consisted of older boy talking as loudly as he could to both moms about tampons. About the use of the word, about women feeling "older" and the "need" to talk about tampons, and how he kept daring the little girl to say the word tampons and when she finally did he stated "I laughed and laughed so hard until my stomach was moving"... both mothers continued to not only allow him to keep saying and talking about tampons, but encouraged his behavior by telling him how weird he was being.

-Lastly, the older boy's mom was heard by the entire pool telling the little girl that she was the beauty of her family and that her brother, HGH boy, was.... (drum roll, please) the HOT MESS.

My tanning and Cosmo reading ended there.

Hot Mess 2:

-I purchased a Groupon for a mani/pedi to a cosmetology school... it can't be that bad, right? I'll leave the school's name out of this, but lets just say it's a school in Rock Hill located on Cherry Road in the old CATO building.

-Upon entering the building, I walk up to the receptionist's desk and there are two females sitting behind it. I was not greeted for about 5 minutes and when I finally was, it was "What do you need?". Hmm. okay. Hand them my Groupon and was told "Sit down and we'll get someone". There were 2 separate sections of "chairs" so I chose the ones farthest away... after 10 minutes I walk back past those 2 girls and was told "Where did you go? We told you to sit... you were supposed to sit over THERE." 10 minutes after that I'm approached by a girl chewing food with her mouth opened "You here for a mani/pedi? Come on".

-A full hour into what was the oddest, most painful to watch pedi ever... my toes still were not painted. I then look over to my right to see one of this school's "students" lunge at another student while screaming "I AIN'T START NUTTIN' WIT CHU!!"

-Cut to.... one hour later. I am now finally getting the manicure. Curious question.... since when do manicures and pedicures occur without the use of nail clippers? Apparently at "beauty school" they do because my chick did not have a pair and did not ask for a pair. So, my nails were just filed and filed down until they were the "right length".

-2 hours and 10 minutes later, I had decently painted nails and a very full bladder. Thank God the girl who did my nails was as nice as she could be. The place was dirty, the people were very unfriendly and rude, everyone drug their head mannequins around by the hair with frowns and sour looks on their faces, no one spoke to anyone and most students just sat in beauty chairs texting or sleeping. Oh, and there were flies. I never saw instruments get cleaned or washed. And I also learned that you are supposed to bring your "own polish" to get your nails done at a beauty school.

Now, do we have a clear understanding of the phrase "HOT MESS"?